For the last 3 days I’ve fallen asleep to video. I’d like to read a book. I’d like to drift off naturally, but I’m scared. I’m terrified of being alone with myself, and I use video and technology to keep me warm. With an iPad propped on a pillow, I drift into a video-induced liminal state before the I cross the real liminal space into sleep. Netflix shows me a bedtime story. I leave my fear behind and for a moment, I feel held.
The end of the day, when I’m tired and worm, is when I’m most vulnerable to losing myself in technology. Instead, I’ll write y’all tonight, and perhaps we’ll stay sober together.