Running Away vs. Running Toward

I try to travel mindfully. I attempt to be aware of my motivations for travel. So I ask myself: Am I running away or am I running towards where I want to be?  Am I chasing or being chased? Am I fleeing or searching? Am I escaping or soaring?

I often flee locales and situations searching vainly for happiness. I will take flight  and find myself in a new town without really understanding how I got there, but I usually do feel happier. However I always make one fundamental mistake; I keep taking myself with me. As the saying goes: “Wherever you go, that’s where you are.”  I can’t run away OR towards myself. And I can be really annoying.

But I keep running. Just yesterday I found myself hanging off the side of an over packed bus. I was trying to escape the phantoms in my head. It appeared to work. Holding onto the side of a bus as it winds through the mountains of northern Thailand will keep the demons at bay. But they’re simply waiting in the wings. Once I stopped clinging for my life, the delusions began to develop anew.

I may believe that I’m running towards or away, chasing or being chased, fleeing or searching, but those are the delusions. No matter what I want, I’m still right here. I’m neither running away or towards. All I can do is simply be mindful, even if I don’t have control over the flight.

2 thoughts on “Running Away vs. Running Toward

  1. Ya, well if we could do that observation thing…’Look, there I go again’ same ole tape bullying, chiding, blaming or shaming MYSELF! Turns out we are our own biggest bullies and much worse than another can be.
    Would we allow such talk to our child by another? Then why would we allow it to ourselves?

  2. Woah Jamison. That’s deep man. 🙂 I laughed a few times, and I cried. And I had a vision, a vision of you: You were a concentrated ball of light particles floating through and amoungst hundreds of millions of other light particles, some densely packed, some just loose, like a soup. And the soup was moving and flowing, and like a leaf on a stream, you, your light was just floating along, occasionally getting hung up on a rock, but inevitably flowing along amoung the particles. Molecule soup! YES!

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